Have you ever had a partner who felt like you didn’t appreciate them, that you were taking them for granted, or that you didn’t really love them? And you just sat there thinking “OF COURSE I love you… How could you not know that!?” Then chances are, you two just have your lines of love communication a little crossed. No worries friend… this is a fairly easy fix with a little self knowledge, and a bit of communication!

Have you heard about the concept of love language? It’s pretty fascinating, and I have to say – I have definitely experienced this first hand in my own relationships. You see, we all have our own ways of expressing our affection for other people. There are five “love languages”:

1. Physical affection (hugging, kissing, sitting on the couch with your toes wedged under your lovers butt…)

2. Spending quality time together (Date nights, or even doing errands together)

3. Giving gifts (Pet’s like to do this… think dead mouse on the doorstep. Or not… if your not into that. Maybe you would prefer flowers? I tend to prefer chocolate.)

4. Doing things for the other person (doing the dishes after dinner, bringing a glass of water back from the kitchen)

5. Verbal affirmation (actually saying “I love you”)

So, the thing that makes communication tricky – is that not only do you have to express what you mean to say to someone, but that other person also has to be able to interpret the meaning in what you said. So, love language can become even trickier to navigate since four out of the five are non-verbal and easy to miss if you or your partner isn’t tuned in. There are four essential parts to understanding how your love language works:

1. Know how you express love

2. Know how your partner expresses love

3. Know how you prefer to receive love

4. Know how your partner prefers to receive love.

You may not even realize that when you snuggle up to your sweetie in bed, that is your way of saying I love you. So, take a little while and think about it. What are the things you do to show that you love someone? Ask your partner to do the same. What makes you feel loved? What makes your partner feel loved?

Chances are, you are going to discover a few disparities in the way you express love for each other. The cool thing is, just knowing what the meaning is behind your lovers actions will help you translate the time spent snuggled on the couch, or the glass of water he brought for you into a great big “I love you”. And when your partner makes the effort to express love in your native language, you know that they made a special effort to do that for you… making it even sweeter to hear!

So, tell me tell me! Have you seen this sort of pattern in your own relationships? How do you deal with love language barriers? Leave me some comment love

Yesterday I talked a bit about stacking your activities together to get more bang for your buck, and fit things in even when you don’t think you have the time. Today, I’m going to talk a bit about “stringing” the things you want to do to nourish yourself, into the daily routines you already have.

While stacking helps you fit more in, stringing your tasks together helps you to build consistency. It’s a lot easier to do things that seem extra, or indulgent – if they are habitual. The easiest way to make them habit is to attach them to the ones you already have.

First, think about some of the things you do everyday. You eat, right? (I assume) Taking a shower, brushing your teeth, waking up, going to bed, getting into/out of your car on your way to/from work, even going to the bathroom is kind of a daily routine.

Once you identify those things that you are going to be doing every day no matter what – figure out if there are any things on your list that naturally fit with those daily tasks.

One thing that comes to mind: giving yourself a quick foot rub after your shower or bath. Or say after dinner, you set aside time to read a book. Or taking a walk after your lunch break, with your camera so you can take some photos. Do some quick, gentle yoga after you put on your Pj’s.

Get creative. Maybe you want to start writing more often. Leave a notebook next to the toilet so every time you sit, you can write a bit. People might start to complain that you spend too much time in the bathroom – but if you really just don’t stop moving all day long, maybe taking advantage of the few times you are literally forced to sit and stop for a moment is the only way you will get the creative time in that you need.

Action Plan: 

Can you guess? I bet you can… but just in case you want it spelled out for you: Create a plan for stringing together some activities that will nourish you, with those things you already do during the day. Try to look for things that fit naturally together, and focus on those things that are really important to you. So what are you waiting for! Get busy! And write me a comment telling me what you are going to do. Espcieally if it is something really creative.

One of the biggest issues that all of us wonderful busy people face, is having the ability to fit in any more awesomeness into our day. Instead of making room for all of the self care that we need and want, we end up packing our days full of the urgent, the loud nagging issues, the fires that need putting out, and the priorities that other people have for our time.

One of the easiest ways to get more nourishing bang for your time buck is to stack nourishing elements together. Let’s say for example that your list looks something like this:

• Spending time with friends
• Going for walks
• Playing with my dog
• Spending near the ocean
• Listening to music
• A bowl of warm soup
• Working on creative projects
• Getting dressed up (wearing jewelry, makeup, etc) for no particular reason
• Going apple picking
• Taking a break from cell phone/email

You could easily dedicate an hour of your day to any one of those things. But, you could also do several of those things all together. For example: You could take a walk on the beach with your friend, and your dog with your cell phone turned off and your jewelry/makeup on. There’s six things right there! You could bring a bowl of soup and some apples (fresh picked from a local orchard) to have after your walk. Or maybe even decide to collect shells, rocks and other interesting bits for a creative project to work on when you get home.

You don’t even necessarily need to find a special hour of your day to dedicate to pure indulgence. You can stack fun things on top of the daily tasks you already have to do. One of my favorites, is to make sure I’m listening to good music, an audio book, or a podcast while I’m cleaning the house. I’ll also burn my favorite incense. Sometimes I’ll phone a friend and chat while I work.

Action Plan:

 Find your most power packed stack! See just how many of the items you can pull from your list and do all at once. Post a comment for me with your combo, and the number of things you have squished together. And then…. Go do it! For bonus points: Stack something you already have to do every day, with something you want to be doing. When you take out the trash, go sit in your garden for a bit. While heading out to your car to go to the grocery store – take a walk around the block first for some exercise. Gonna eat lunch? Go eat it with a friend in the park.

One of the things I love about being on facebook, is that my when my friends are making something cool for dinner – they will inevitably share. And of course, if they are extra awesome – they will type up the whole recipe and send it to you (thanks Danielle!)

When I heard the words Coconut Creamed Kale, I was seriously intrigued. Coconut? Kale? Why have I never thought to combine two of my favorite foods! I’ve been looking for new and exciting ways to eat more leafy greens, so this recipe was a perfect fit!

If you have these things, you can make Coconut Creamed Kale:

Mmmm... delicious leafy greens!

• 32oz of Kale (This is a LOT of kale. I didn’t actually use this much because I didn’t happen to have it. I guess if it’s packed in bags, this is like two bags worth. I had one big bunch and I weighed it and had maybe two thirds this amount.) 
• 1 can of coconut milk
• 1 medium yellow onion
• 2-3 cloves of garlic
• Salt, pepper, and sumthin spicy (red pepper flakes, hot sauce) to taste
• Olive oil

Bonus: If you have an immersion blender, you can puree your kale to make it super smooth and creamy (and disguise the fact that it’s leafy in case you have a picky, anti-leaves eater like my 6 year old.)

Other Bonus: Although the original recipe didn’t call for it – I added some Thai Green Curry Paste. It was delicious without it, but eating veggies with coconut milk just made my taste buds scream for Thai Curry flavors…

 First things first: Prep the kale. 

Tear or slice the kale leaves off of their stems. Chop or tear the leaves into small bits. (It’s up to you if you are in a knife wielding mood, or a rip and shred stuff with your bare hands kinda mood. Either one works. And it’s a great opportunity to vent your frustration on an inanimate object that has it coming to them anyway…)

Put the kale into a nice big bowl, and fill the bowl with cold water. Stick your hand in there and swish them around to rinse. Your hands will get cold. I apologize. But, you will also be rinsing away any little sandy bits and other things you probably don’t want to eat. A gentle cleansing also makes the kale feel a bit better about the abuse it suffered in the previous step… consider it an apology…

Now you want to blanch the kale for 5 minutes. If you are actually using all 32 oz of it… then you may want to do this in two batches.

While your kale is blanching, you should chop up the yellow onion and the garlic (but keep them separate.)

Once the kale is done, drain it and squeeze any excess water out of it (remembering of course, that it is hot having just come out of boiling water… just FYI.)

Put a bit of olive oil into a pan over medium heat (about a tablespoon or two… no need to be super exact – it’s just for cooking the onions.) After the oil heats up a bit… add your chopped onions and cook them until they are translucent. Once the onions are cooked… add the garlic. DO NOT brown the garlic. It makes it all bitter and icky. Definitely turn down the temp for this one…. Low is totally fine.

Give the garlic a few minutes to soften and assimilate, and then – add the coconut milk. Let this simmer for about 5 minutes to thicken up a bit (feel free to turn the stove back up to medium if this provides more effective simmer action.)

Now add your kale!! Cook it for 5 or 10 more minutes to let the kale finish cooking and let the flavors combine.

AT this point, I gave it a taste and it was delicious – but a bit subtle. I wasn’t sure if that would be terribly popular with my boys… especially since one likes it spicy spicy, and the other is pretty anti-spicy. The coconut milk inspired me to add some Thai Green Curry Paste (roughly a teaspoon). It adds a bit of spice, some citrus, and some garlic – and overall tastes lovely combined with coconut milk.

Now… if you are the proud owner of an immersion blender (and let’s just say… you should be. It is definitely my favorite kitchen gadget.) Then this is the part where you blend it up for bonus points. Be careful though, you don’t want to splatter hot coconut goodness everywhere.

Blending in progress: 

Post blending:

I served mine over rice.

My post-dinner Facebook status:

“My son (who is anti anything leafy) is eating coconut creamed kale over rice for dinner!! OMG! Not a single negative peep!” 

I’m pretty sure the key to that was the fact that it was blended. He is not into leaves of any sort, and having it pureed and creamy did the trick. It may have helped that I told him “one of my friends makes this for her son, and he totally loves it! He get’s super excited when she is making it… so I think you are gonna super like it too!” Note: Enthusiasm combined with blatant lies, and disguised veggies = a six year old who will willingly eat kale…

I will definitely be using this recipe as a thing-to-have-in-the-fridge-for-lunch, a side dish, and even a simple dinner. I love leafy greens (and more importantly… they love me. Even just adding a little bit more green into my diet makes me feel fantastic!)

Does anyone else have a good recipe that uses greens?

Living in a world full of main stream media is like being constantly bombarded by super stealth ninjas, sneaking into your brain and planting thoughts, feelings, and attitudes – without you ever knowing they were there. Sneaky little bastards…

There are a few ways that this can seriously derail you when it comes to being your happiest, most amazing self.

For starters: if you let someone else tell you what defines beauty, success, sexyness, desireablitly… the things that you *should* be proud of, and the things that you should hide form the world – then you are not going to be able to authentically express yourself. And, you will have goals that are not only unrealistic – but counter productive. If they aren’t aligned with your true self – then you are not going to actually be happy. Period. You may think you have earned all the brownie points necessary to create happiness for yourself – but it isn’t going to work.

But of course, you are a creative and resourceful human being – YOU can turn the tables and use their tactics for your own benefit:

Create your own marketing campaign to reinforce the habits and attitudes that you want to instill in yourself! We know marketing works… companies pay ridiculous sums of money to communicate their messages to you, and they certainly wouldn’t do that if it wasn’t doing the trick. They are big fans of their money, you know. So, use this to your advantage and take control of the messages that you are hearing day in and day out. It won’t even cost you a pretty penny.

Action plan: 

1. Craft your marketing message: Time for a little introspection. What are your goals? What do you need to do to reach those goals? Are there attitudes or behaviors that you want to reinforce? Decide on what you want to tell yourself, what you want to reinforce.

2. Choose your weapons: Find images, and phrases that help to reinforce the message that you crafted. Then, put them in places where you will see them at key moments in your day. Example: If you are trying to reinforce better eating habits, then put pictures of the kinds of foods that nourish you on your fridge. Really think about where you spend your time (and where you would generally find marketing messages in your day to day life). Don’t forget things like, your cell phone wall paper or your computer desktop.

3. Go about your business: This is one of those wonderful things that you really only have to set up once (although it’s definitely fun to update it), and then you just sit back and let it work for you.

There are two main places in your house that I think are key for combating some major marketing messages: those related to food, and those related to body image. Can you guys guess where they are? Leave me a comment below with your guesses, and stay tuned – I’ll have the answer for you later today

(Ok, one of them I already mentioned in the blog… but the second one I didn’t…. so 5 points for reading the blog and finding the right answer, and 10 points if you can guess the second answer. Ready? Go!)

Today has been a long day my friends, but the blog must go on. So I’m sitting here banging my head against the keyboard trying to figure out what to write about and I realized…

Isn’t this counterproductive?

Isn’t the whole point of Nourishing November to take really, seriously, OMG, over the top amazing care of myself? What kind of example would I be setting if I was pushing myself in an all out effort, and not taking care of myself today.

Thus, I’ll be keeping this post light and sharing with you a quick way to push pause on your day, and give yourself a really relaxing treat: the quick kitchen pedicure.

Action Plan:

• Mix together about three tablespoons of sugar with enough olive oil to make it into a paste. Don’t worry, you will not be expected to eat this.
• Grab two or three towels. Put one on the floor in front of a really comfy place to sit. Place the other(s) within easy reach of the comfy-place-you-will-be-sitting.
• Bonus: Set the scene. Light a candle or two, play some music, set out the best dark chocolate and a glass of wine, tell your secretary to hold your calls, have the butler lay out your favorite robe, and some plush slippers – maybe even do a few sun salutations to get relaxed pre soak. This is also a good time to watch something uplifting like a good documentary or a really funny show. It’s also the perfect time to sit quietly and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. (I know, weird right? Do nothing? Sometimes I’m not sure how to do that exactly… )
• Find a large bowl, or foot bath if you have one. (You know I always thought this things were kinda silly, but now that I’ve started indulging in an at home pedicure at least once a week… I’m thinking it could be useful…)
• Fill said bowl/bath with hot soapy water. I like Dr. Bronners Peppermint Soap because well, I use it for everything, but it’s also minty and tingly and makes my feet feel amazingly refreshed. Fill it at least far enough so that your ankles will be submerged in warm soapy goodness.
• Set bowl of soapy water onto the towel on the floor (or ask your manservant/maid to attend to that).
• Ready… best part Sit down, and soak your tootsies in that relaxing water. Deep breath. Nibble chocolate. Sip wine. Just melt for about 10 minutes.
• Now, put one of the towels in your lap, and remove one foot from the water, using your homemade sugar/olive oil scrub on said foot. Massage it in the good, going up your ankles a bit. If you have a manicure kit, feel free to put it to use. If you don’t – that is no reason at all why you can’t just soak and scrub.
• Switch feet!  Enjoy

What is your favorite way to relax and take amazing care of yourself? Got another great at home spa recipe to share? Comment below! I’d love some new ideas.

(Pro Tip: If your maid/manservant has the day off, or called in sick or something… feel free to substitute a loving and willing spouse/best friend/capable child/well trained pet. And don’t forget to return the favor <3) 

Woohoo!! Good morning! Or probably afternoon or so by the time you actually read this.

For me, it is still fairly early in the day, and I am already ticking a few things off of my Nourishment List:

• I’m sitting outside (and the sunlight feels AWESOME).
• I’m at a cafe, amongst the general population, sipping a latte.
• I even brought my own cup, since I finally found a reusable one that I love! (Being eco-conscious makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside)
• Oh, and I bothered to get dressed in a fairly coordinated outfit that makes me feel like a respectable human being! Wee! I’m not hiding under sweatshirts and scarves galore because I don’t *have* to get all dressed up for any particular reason. I *could* just hang around in the house in my PJ’s all day and no one would know the difference but me…

So how was your morning? Were you rushing around? What did you have for breakfast? Half a piece of toast, and a quick swig of coffee? (I promise I had breakfast at home before I had my coffee… yogurt in fact! Which is another item on my list…probiotics!)

Mornings can be kind of ridiculous. You don’t really want to get out of bed in the first place. It’s all warm and cozy under those blankets, and all dark and frigid in the rest of the house. You have to figure out what you are going to wear, fumble around in the dark for your glasses, and find your shoes wherever you plopped down and kicked them off last night. Breakfast? Yeah…. right… breakfast. Maybe you will just grab something on the go. It is one of life’s cruel jokes that we are expected to prepare for our day, find everything we need, remember those important things – all while we are still half asleep and barely able to move.

But there is a super simple solution to this, and it works almost on autopilot (once you have made it a habit):

Create a before bed routine that sets you up to have a smooth and simple morning.

Here is my before bed routine, to give you an example:

1. Pack all dinner leftovers
2. Make sure all of the dinner dishes are washed, dishwasher is loaded and started, and the sink is clean.
3. Check the weather, my calendar, and tomorrow’s to-do list
4. Choose my outfit for tomorrow (including outerwear. I’ll put the days coat and shoes with my purse – and anything else I might need so it is all in one place and ready to go. My other clothes get put together in one place where I change in the morning.)

One thing I didn’t include on this list was preparing tomorrow’s lunch – because I actually do that while I’m making dinner. I’ll also think about what I want for breakfast the next day, and if I can set that up ahead of time, then I will. That way there is no scramble in the morning to figure out what I’m going to eat, if I have everything I need to make it, etc. It’s also handy because I only have to do a major kitchen clean up once a day most of the time. How’s that for a time saver?

Do you want to know what my top tool is for making my evening routine incredibly easy to follow? You will need a smartphone… and you will also need to enter your name and email below to get the tip of the day!

So how about you? Do you have a before bed routine? Do you find having a plan makes your morning run smoother? Leave a comment below, and tell me the key to starting your mornings off on the right foot.

Have you noticed that the days, are growing shorter? And the christmas decorations have already appeared on the shelves where the halloween costumes used to be? The holiday season is right around the bend my friends – complete with shopping, traveling, cooking great feasts, dealing with crazy relatives, gifting, parties, too many cookies, a couple extra inches on the old waistband… oh, and stress. Have I mentioned the stress?

The last minute “forgot to buy a gift”, or “Oh RIGHT… it’s a potluck…”

The hold your breath and clench your teeth moment as the cat makes a magical flying leap into the christmas tree for that particularly shiny, fragile, heirloom ornament? That you just hung up. You know the one that you LOVE? Yeah…. that one.

Then of course there is the social pressure cooker: Everyone is having a party/dinner/holiday gathering of some sort which you are expected to dress up for, bring a yankee swap gift, a plate of cookies, and then eat, drink and be merry until WAY past your bedtime. And then do it again tomorrow… hungover, but JUST as cheery and prepared for the merry making.

Are you exhausted yet? Because I could keep going but honestly… it’s making me a bit stressed out just writing about it…

During a season where we should be taking excellent care of ourselves (colds, flu’s and Seasonal Affective Disorder anyone?), instead we panic, stress, over do the food, the sugar and the alcohol, stay up too late, stretch the budget, and just hope to get out of December with our sanity and waistline undisturbed.

The hardest thing about a pattern like this, is it keeps cycling along – reinforcing itself and dragging you down lower and lower.

Have you ever caught yourself distracting yourself because you were unhappy? Like… watching a movie that isn’t really all that interesting, so you end up fiddling with a game on your phone, while IMing a friend or two on the computer?

Or say you are miserable at work, so you watch video’s of little kids with amazing singing talent, and kittens with amusing captions, all while scanning Facebook, twitter, and everything else on the dozen or so tabs you have open on your computer?

Maybe you come home after work, turn on the TV in the background, sit down with some food that you eat without really noticing it, and a favorite alcoholic beverage.

It seems like the cure for unhappiness… would be to do things that actually make you feel happy, right? Instead of things that you regret afterwards? Things that make you feel tired, and sluggish. Things that drain you of your energy, and make you agitated and antsy.

So… I have an idea! Originally, I was just going to do this as a personal challenge – having recognized my own spiral of ick, and wanting very much to bring it to a full and complete stop. But you know what? This is SO much more powerful if I can share it with you, and I know that I am NOT the only one who needs a little less distraction, and a little more real, honest, pure FUN in my life. And so, Nourishing November was born!

Here it is my dears, my grand plan for the month of November:

1. Make a master list of nourishing elements. What is a nourishing element? Well… they are the things that excite and inspire you. Things that turn you on, light you up, and make you glow that healthy, happy, “make heads turn” glow. Things that make you feel light and alive, make you laugh out loud, make your body sing, your heart soar…. you get the picture. The awesome stuff. The pure LOVE.

More specifically, a nourishing element might be something like this:

1. Getting out of the house every day
2. Talking to my best friend on the phone
3. Eating fresh fruit
4. Going sailing
5. Curling up with my son to read a book
6. Painting
7. Reading a good book with a purring kitten in my lap
8. Getting a massage from my husband
9. Treating myself to a manicure
10. A good piece of dark chocolate, and a glass of red wine by candlelight
11. A clean and organized living space
12. Surfing
13. Playing my guitar
14. Guys poker night

Some of those things might resonate with you, and some might not. We are all unique, so each of us is going to have a unique set of activities that make us feel AMAZING.

Step 2: Fit as many of these morsels of pure delight into your life as you possibly can!

Oh yes…. overdose (if that’s even possible) on the good stuff.
“But,” you say anxiously, “how can I possibly fit more activities into my already stretched thin schedule!” Dashed hopes are clearly visible in the expression on your face, the vision of a life filled with fun and laughter drifting away from you…
“Never fear!” says I. “I am a professional, and I love you, and I won’t let something silly like logistics steal your hopes and dreams away!” Triumphant music plays, and you breathe a sigh of relief as hope returns.
I have so much support in store for you! For not only do I encourage everyone to share with the rest of the class, all of their wonderful ideas for different nourishing activities – I’ll also be sending you tips, tricks, hacks, and whatever else I can come up with to help you figure out how to fit in as much goodness as possible. Right to your inbox. Daily for the month of November (and maybe into December a bit since I kinda didn’t give you guys much notice about this thing and all… heh… what can I say, I was sewing last minute Power Ranger halloween costumes.)
Which brings us to step three:
Step 3: Share the love!!

I want YOU (and all your friends, and all their friends) to tackle this holiday season head on with a reserve of positive energy that rivals that of a delighted 4 year old, in a candy store, in Disneyland. Without the sugar crash that follows (although that could result in a highly satisfying nap…if you’re a “find the positive in the negatives” type).
So what do you say? Are you in?